Too Deep for Words
by Bensler
Summary: Sequel to Keep It in the Family. Love for you to read Keep It in the Family, too, but this was written such that you don't have to in order to follow this story.  Elliot and Olivia are happily married, but, their life is about to be turned upside down.
1. Chapter 1 - Troubled

Happy Anniversary to me! Today was four years ago that I posted my first fanfic, It Had to be Over, on . I cannot believe it has been that long! Thanks to all of you who have become my faithful readers, encouragers as well as critics, and most of all friends. I 3 you all! Yes, even you lurkers! " ) Bensler

This first chapter is a setup for what is to come – so bear with me. For the sake of this story, Elliot and Kathy are divorced; O'Halloran did not die; but everything else that happened on the show pretty much happened with the exception of things involving Elliot and Kathy being together. Isn't that enough to make your EO heart race expectantly?

I know I have been MIA lately, and I really want to change that but it's just been difficult to keep up with everything since I have been working a lot more. I do promise to I'm trying. And I will update soon on the other stories I have going. And, of course, I want, I need, I'd love to know what you think of this first chapter. " ) Bensler

**Too Deep for Words**

**(Sequel to Keep It in the Family)**

**by Bensler**

Chapter 1 – Troubled

**SVU Squad Room Monday, June 9 – 3:35 p.m.**

"No problem, babe. I'll pick it up on the way home." Elliot smiled into the phone. His wife wanted Chinese for supper and that was exactly what she was going to get.

"Thanks, honey. Oh, and don't forget the chopsticks." She laughed as his groan echoed in her ear.

"Ah...Liv. You know how I hate those things!" he whined, rolling his eyes as if she could see him.

For years she had tried, with little success, to teach him how to use chopsticks. He had to admit he had actually gotten better at it, and it was now more of a joke between them rather than him being opposed to using them.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, El," she warned, amusement ringing in her voice.

Even after nearly thirteen years, it still amazed him how well they could read each other; how well they knew the others' next action even over the telephone. He smiled to himself, thinking how much he loved this woman.

"I'm not!" he protested loudly.

"And you _absolutely_ know better than to lie to me!" Her voice was low and threatening.

"Sorry, Captain. Won't happen again, Ma'am," he laughed.

"Elliot...I love you," she whispered.

"Love you, too, babe." He placed the receiver back in its cradle and leaned back in his chair.

In his mind he could see her, holding the phone, smiling, her eyes twinkling while she teased him. He remembered the outfit she wore that morning, her light gray suit with the deep purple scalloped shell beneath it. She had taken to wearing suits again since making captain, partly because it was more professional and partly because it was expected. Though most of them were slacks, she had several with skirts and he loved it when she wore those. She had great legs. Long, trim, tanned. She had come a long way from the sloppy suits and blouses she wore that appeared to be two sizes too big when they first met. Now the ones she wore were carefully tailored to accentuate her body, her curves, and her femininity.

Elliot's gaze drifted to the array of pictures adorning his desk and he thought of how much he loved his family. How much he loved Olivia, and all six of his kids. He grinned as he recalled the last family dinner they had a couple of weeks ago; how everyone pitched in and helped finish with the preparation, then serving and finally cleaning up.

Olivia had always had a special rapport with his kids; actually, all kids. Once she and Elliot knew they were going to marry, she transferred to an open detective slot in the Juvenile Crime Squad (JCS). He missed working side by side with her, but it was more than worth it to be together as a family. Besides, they had known they could not continue to work in the same unit after they married. Cragen had taken a risk just letting them 'switch' partners and stay in SVU while they were dating.

Shortly after Ben's first birthday, she had been offered captain of the 35th precinct's Juvenile Crime Squad. Her squad was responsible for handling cases involving juveniles, conducting juvenile lineups, interviewing juveniles under arrest, locating witnesses/complainants and identifying and arresting accomplices. The squad maintained a close liaison with city attorneys who were responsible for prosecuting juveniles in Family court. Elliot thought the squad suited her well and he was extremely thankful her new position kept her off the streets for the most part.

Glancing at the clock on his computer screen, he sighed. Two more hours before he could get out of there _if_ they didn't get a case. Two and a half more hours before he could see Olivia, hold her, kiss her, and be with her. Two and a half more hours before he could play with his son, Ben. Benson Everett Stabler would be two years old in August. Elliot's son, Eli, his youngest child from his marriage to Kathy, would be five in November. Eli and Ben loved each other and got along very well. Elliot was grateful Kathy had finally gotten used to him and Olivia being together making it easier for Eli and Ben to forge a relationship. He was glad Eli had a sibling close in age to grow up with and if he had his way, there would be at least one more.

Convincing Olivia she was not too old and that a pregnancy would not interfere with her job had become his undeclared mission. She worried that if she became pregnant again, she might be demoted or even made to retire. Elliot tried to make her see that the three months maternity leave would be like when the previous captain had heart surgery and was out for three months. Besides, they were pushing for more equality for women in supervisory positions in the NYPD and she was one of a handful with the experience, brains, and the reputation to qualify for captain. And she was a good one. No way would they mess with her position. An added bonus for their family was her hours were much better than when she was a detective and the pay was very good.

To assuage her worry, Elliot promised that if something happened with her job, he would put out feelers for another captain's position to ease the money crunch. He had passed the sergeants' exam and later was promoted to lieutenant, his current rank, but turned down an offer of captain because but he loved detective work and being in the field. He knew he would not be happy telling others what to do and sitting behind a desk most of the day. Besides, he was no good at kissing up to the brass, and one captain in the family was enough.

It had taken him a long time to get over not having Olivia as his partner in the field. But, he was ecstatic that she was now his partner in life and overall, Elliot considered himself a lucky man. He was married to his best friend, the love of his life. He had six healthy kids, all doing well in life. Maureen was on her own, having graduated law school two years ago. She was interning with New York County's district attorney, hoping one day to be a full-fledged ADA like their good friends, former ADAs Casey Novak and Alex Cabot, who was back at the DA's office after pursuing other interests. Casey had moved back home to Colorado and she and Olivia visited back and forth a few times each year.

The twins, Dickie and Liz, were juniors in college, and Olivia and Elliot also tried to help Kathleen with expenses for grad school as well. She was finishing up her masters in psychology and would graduate in December. Of course, there was child support for Eli as well as the cost of daycare for Ben. So, the extra money Olivia made as captain was more a necessity rather than a luxury.

Although she had a generous amount of money from her mother's estate as well as the rent money from her mother's apartment, Elliot refused to let her use it for their day-to-day living. She _had_ insisted on using some of it to put a hefty down payment on the home they bought in Queens to be closer to Elliot's family. It helped make the monthly payments much more manageable and they would be able to pay the house off in ten years instead of the normal thirty. Elliot had also kept the apartment he lived in when he and Kathy had separated. He sublet it making $150 from it each month after making the payment from the rent.

It turned out to be a good thing, because he rented it out on a six-month contract and it was up for renewal when he and Kathy split the second and final time. So instead of renewing the lease, he moved back into it. He had often wondered if subconsciously he knew he would need it again; knew he and Kathy were not going to make it. He laughed to himself. The only reason he kept it now was for the little extra money it provided each month. He knew the woman who was now his wife was his soul mate; the missing piece of his inner being he had never realized was missing until she clicked into place in his life. She calmed the restlessness that had always beleaguered him. Never had he loved anyone in his entire life the way he loved her. Without her, he would not have a life.

He stretched, sat up straight and rolled his chair closer to his desk. He had been in court all morning, at the M.E.'s after lunch to go over an autopsy report and DNA analysis, and then helping run down some leads on a case Fin and his partner had picked up.

The inbox on the corner of his desk was overflowing. Olivia would never let him live it down if she were to see the mess his desk was in. She was the neat one in the family, though at times she could create her share of messes, too. He pulled the stack down to the desktop and began sorting through it. Two catalogs for guns, a memo from 1PP about the upcoming department wide picnic, 'American Cop Magazine', a DD5 Cragen returned for his missing signature, a form he needed to fill out for a class to make his yearly quota of classroom hours, a brown envelope addressed to 'Detective E. Stabbler', the misspelled name printed directly on the envelope. He frowned as he turned it over and discovered there was no return address on it. In law enforcement, this qualified as a suspicious package. He vaguely wondered how it got past the mailroom clerks intact.

Opening it, he pulled out a single sheet of paper, as a picture fell from the envelope. An audible intake of air escaped from him as he picked up the photograph. Quickly, he laid it face down and began to read the computer written, double spaced letter. 'Detective Stabbler: You may not remember me, but I will never forget you...' As he continued to read it, his hands began to shake. His heart raced and it became difficult to draw in enough air to breathe properly. He laid it down and ran his hands over his head. Picking it up again, he reread it; the paper began shaking once again before he threw it on his desk a second time. He stood up, rubbed his face with his hands, one hooked around his neck the other sliding down to rest on his left hip.

"Stabler? Everything okay, man?" Fin called out from his desk. Elliot's actions had caught his eye and after working with him for eleven years, he knew something was wrong.

Elliot's head snapped up toward Fin, "What?"

The look on his face was one of shock and something else, Fin thought. Fear? Yeah, that was it. Fear.

"You okay? Look like you seen a ghost or somethin'." Fin squinted at him as Elliot looked away unable to maintain eye contact and lie at the same time.

"Oh…yeah…yeah, I'm fine. Everything's fine." He turned back to his desk and tried to calm himself before he drew any more unwanted attention.

Fin's eyes remained on him for another minute or so before he busied himself with the report he had been reading. Periodically though, he still glanced Elliot's way. Suspicious. Curious. And concerned.

Elliot looked around the office. Fin glanced at him again. Brad Seigman, Fin's partner he had inherited from Olivia when she left the unit, was at the coffee table pouring another cup. Munch had retired three years ago due to an eye condition. After having a new surgical procedure done, he had regained a good portion of his eyesight and now worked as an on-call consultant for the NYPD. He would come to lend a hand when things were tight and extra help was needed.

Elliot looked around the squad room. Cragen was standing by his desk, talking on the phone while trying to reach the file cabinet across the room. Elliot knew what he _should_ do, but he couldn't. He could not take that risk. He picked up the letter and the picture and stuffed them back into the envelope, careful not to put any more prints on it than he already had. Just in case. Opening his bottom drawer, he found an evidence bag and carefully slipped the letter into the bag and zip locked it. He then made a quick phone call. Turning his wrist, he checked the time. If he hurried, he would have time to run by the lab and be home at a decent time with the Chinese food.

Gathering his things, he saw Mack, his partner coming his way. "Hey, El. You heading out early?" Mack asked, clearly surprised he was wrapping things up for the day.

"Yeah…gotta take care of a couple of things." He smiled as he picked up the letter, his keys and cell phone. "Mind telling Cragen when he gets off the phone?"

"Sure…I'll tell him," Mack eyed the evidence bag with rising curiosity.

"See you in the morning," Elliot started for the door.

Pointing to the letter sealed in the evidence bag, Mack nodded toward it. "We catch a new case?"

Why did he always get stuck with such observant, perceptive partners, Elliot wondered? "No…just some important papers I want to protect." Maybe because he worked with a bunch of detectives, he reminded himself.

He could tell by Mack's squinting brown eyes and knowing nod that his explanation was being taken with a grain of salt and almost certainly filed away for future reference and/or blackmail. Well, he would worry about that later. Right now he did not have time to add it to his list of concerns.

"Okay…see you in the morning." Mack smiled, leaned back and watched Elliot leave the squad room. 'Stabbler'. Important papers, huh? How important could they be when his last name was misspelled? How interesting, Mack thought.

**Crime Scene Unit Forensics Lab Monday, June 9 – 6:03 p.m.**

An integral part of the Detective Bureau's Forensic Investigations Division, the Crime Scene Unit assists investigating detectives in all homicides, most sexual assaults and any other investigation in which their expertise is desired. The Crime Scene Unit has at its disposal the necessary tools and equipment required to perform a multitude of tasks including the trajectory of bullets fired, lifting fingerprints, cast tire impressions, forensic biology including blood, semen or other body fluids, hair, nail scrapings or blood stain patterns.

Rarely are the initial responding detectives responsible for collecting, processing, or analyzing evidence in sexual assaults, major investigations, or homicides. Be it ballistics, fingerprints, photographs or serology, the evidence is best left up to detectives specifically trained in forensic assignments. The NYPD's Crime Scene Unit (CSU) is an elite team of forensic detectives who form the backbone of any homicide investigations in particular and almost all investigations in general.

Ryan O'Halloran was the lead forensics technician, but Elliot was not happy to see him at the lab. He had hoped it would be someone he didn't know. Ryan just looked at him when the picture slid out of the envelope as though waiting for an explanation. Elliot offered nothing.

"Need fingerprints…DNA…anything you can tell me. How soon can you get me the report?" he asked quietly, trying not to show the turmoil that had completely gripped him and was threatening to overwhelm him.

"I'll make it a priority," Ryan answered. Sensing something about the situation he could not quite put his finger on, he added, "I'll do it myself."

"Thanks," Elliot nodded once. "I'd really appreciate that." The unspoken pact was clearly understood. Ryan would tell no one what Elliot had brought him.

The ride home was monopolized by Elliot's memories of him and Liv, and that package and its contents. Once he and Kathy split the second time he wasted no time in letting Olivia know exactly how he felt about her. He was not going to sit around paralyzed by fear this time and risk losing her completely. This time, he had learned his lesson. This time he had almost lost her to another marriage, hers to another man, and had it not been for some pretty horrific events, he might still be pining for her.

He thought back to when he had showed Captain Cragen the wedding ring he'd had made especially for her. Don had laughed when Elliot had made the comment 'if she says yes' when he asked her to marry him. He chuckled now in spite of the letter. He had taken her to Moretti's, their favorite Italian restaurant, arranging ahead of time for the waiter to bring the ring on top of scoop of Italian ice he had ordered for them for dessert. There it sat on top of the cherry that adorned the ice. If he lived to be a hundred, he would never forget the look on Olivia's face when she saw the ring. It would forever be in his total recall.

Unfortunately for him another newer memory was now thrown in there with the good and even the aroma of Kung Pao chicken and Mongolian beef could not make him forget the package that had come in the mail. The picture was seared into his brain like a hot poker had etched it there. The words in the letter played a continual loop in his mind. He was fraught with concern over the very specific threat. Was it valid? Should he worry? Should he tell someone? The detective in him screamed a resounding 'YES', to all of the questions, echoing the answer in his head; the husband, the father begged, 'NO. Maybe it's a joke. Someone's twisted sense of humor. No one needs to know. Not yet.'

Elliot had the feeling his life was about to change but he had no idea when or how. All he knew was, it troubled him greatly.

~~~ eoeoeoeoeo ~~~


	2. Chapter 2 - Thoughts

Thank you for your comments and encouragement! This is still a bit of a setup but from Olivia's point of view. But I want to show that Elliot and Olivia have made great strides in their relationship and have quite a solid, happy marriage. For now. **Bensler grins wickedly** Stay tuned. " ) Bensler

**Chapter 2 – Thoughts**

**Stabler Residence ·** **Monday, June 9 – 6:10 p.m.**

Olivia keyed into the front door of the house, laden with her pocketbook and briefcase on her right shoulder, Ben's backpack over her left, Ben in the crook of her left arm, and the mail in her left hand. Before the door swung open good Ben was wriggling to get out of her arms.

"Down, down," he said as he pointed and arched his back in his endeavor for freedom from his mother's grip.

"Hang on, buddy." She kissed the side of his head and hastily put him down before she dropped him. She then deposited the mail on the hall table and her briefcase, pocketbook and the backpack on the bench beside it.

She smiled as she watched Ben take off for his basketball in the living room. He loved the miniature plastic goal Dickie had brought over for him. The twins found it when cleaning out Elliot and Kathy's house before they sold it. It had been Dickie's and since Eli already had one, he wanted Ben to have it. Olivia thought it was so sweet of Dickie…Rick. Rick. She reminded herself again that he was now 'Rick'. He had asked them to start calling him 'Rick' when he was a senior in high school. They tried, but most of the time failed miserably. Elliot understood that 'Dickie' wasn't exactly the most masculine sounding name for a young man, but still had a hard time calling his son by another name.

She closed and locked the door behind her and checked her watch. Elliot should be home any minute. She smiled again thinking of her best friend who was now her husband. How she loved that man. Kicking off her heels, she sighed with relief. If there was a major drawback to being captain, it was the heels. Most of the time she only wore them with her skirts but occasionally with slacks, too. They did look more professional but still, she hated them.

"Ben…Mommy's going to change clothes, you stay down here and play, okay?" She smiled as he kept throwing the ball through the basket, oblivious to anything or anyone else.

Upstairs in hers and Elliot's bedroom, she quickly put her heels in the closet, discarded the suit for a pair of bright blue, soft cotton shorts, and a white tank top with spaghetti straps sans bra. Looking around, she shook her head at the covers piled up on the unmade bed, various articles of clothing strewn over furniture and across the floor, towels and more clothes in the bathroom and several books on the end table topped with a plateful of cookie crumbs and empty milk glasses. She and Elliot had sat up watching an old movie, the name of which now totally escaped her, munching on chocolate chip cookies. They had talked and laughed and snuggled and she could not have been happier. Just to be able to be near him. _With_ him. She smiled thinking of the night before.

She marveled at how her life had changed so dramatically in the last several years. She had gone from being a single, never married, childless female detective in sex crimes to wife, mother and captain. She was married to her best friend, the love of her life. In fact, the only man she had ever let herself fall completely in love with; the only man that had ever been able to steal her heart and get under her skin and inside of her head. Elliot had slowly, meticulously dismantled her carefully built walls of self-defense constructed over a lifetime of being hurt and betrayed. One stone at a time, he had torn them down. And he had done it all without her permission or her even realizing it until it was too late to stop it. Not that she wanted to or could have, just that she _should_ have because he was married.

She did try to at least put distance between them. The forbidden feelings that were always just below the surface burst forth during the Gitano confrontation when both of them had stared death in the face. It was the first time she realized he had these feelings, too. She knew then it had to be over even though he was the one who said aloud that it couldn't happen again, otherwise they couldn't be partners. Deep down she knew he was right; she could not continue their partnership, so she transferred to computer crimes. He was still separated but she was aware he had told Kathy he wanted to come home. She did not want to be the reason he couldn't make his marriage work out, so she left. He never went home. He was angry, and hurt, that Olivia had left him. That she had made the decision without talking to him first. He came in the next morning and she was simply gone.

After weeks away she came back. Things between them went from bad to worse, and when months later he had still never made a move to change things between them or go home, she took an undercover stint with the FBI. She had hoped her absence would make his heart grow fonder or at least give them a clearer perspective on 'them' or push him to go back home. All it did was serve to fuel his anger at her, widening the ever growing chasm between them and when she returned, this time months later, she found him to be closer to his new partner, Dani Beck, than she could handle. She was consumed with jealousy…and anger…and more betrayal. Dani could not cut it in SVU and so, at Cragen's request, Olivia returned as Elliot's partner or as Cragen so aptly put it, his 'handler'. He had grown careless, uncontrollable and Cragen knew Olivia was the only one who would be able to settle him because _she_ was the reason he had gone off the deep end.

For months they alternated between walking on eggshells around each other and verbally eviscerating one another with vicious barbs. It seemed they went out of their way to come up with the most scathing, most spiteful words to say to the other. And since they knew each other so well, it was not at all difficult to hit where it would hurt most. Then a glimpse of their old friendship surfaced during the Masoner case. Olivia was pretty sure they would be okay when Elliot told her he would give her a kidney and she responded 'not if I give you mine first'. Not analyzing his offer and her response at the time, she later realized this was their way of saying 'I love you' without actually putting it into words. EO code she had dubbed it.

It was short-lived as everything came to a head during the Sennet case. It was a volatile time between them - probably the worst ever. But it was also among the best because they finally put aside their hurt and anger and jealousies and began to mend their friendship. The night they sat on his stoop in the wee hours of the morning, bumping knees and shoulders as he told her he had signed the divorce papers after two years, she _knew _they would be okay.

During all that time she did manage to keep everything above board waiting for the time when he was finally a free man. Then Kathy dropped the 'P' bomb on him. On all of them. Honestly, when he went back to Kathy after she asked him to because she was pregnant, Olivia had never felt so hurt or betrayed in her entire life. First of all because the last she knew, he had signed the papers, agreeing it was a step in the right direction and he had never told her he had gone home. Secondly, she was upset because, in fact he had _not_ gone home other than long enough to get his soon to be ex-wife pregnant after being separated for two years. After that, Olivia never again let herself dream that he would ever be single. She'd had her chance and blown it. _He_ had blown it.

She tried to move on with Kurt Moss with whom she broke up after Elliot found out about him. She even tried to work it out again with Andy Eckerson, her former fiancé, but he did not work out either for all the reasons before and a new one. The one that kept her from letting anyone get too close to her. Andy was not Elliot Stabler and that is who she was in love with…her married partner. Then there was Dean Porter. They dated for months. Months in which she kept trying to fall for him; to make him be the one. He was funny, they liked the same things, his job as an FBI agent was just as unpredictable as hers and he understood the job was in her blood. He was good looking, too. But he was not Elliot and she ended up pushing Dean away just like all the others.

Then, by chance, she had met someone she had been able to fall for…as completely as she could without him being Elliot. They had been engaged and she had never been so happy in her entire life. She was going to marry a man she loved, who loved her so much and she was going to have a family to belong to and he wanted children, too. Their _own_ children. But then things began to fall apart when they spent the July 4th holiday with his family. They both made the life-altering discovery that was the beginning of the end of their relationship. She smiled and closed her eyes, thinking about him. She didn't do that often…think about _him_…but she knew he would always hold a little piece of her heart and she would always love him. She would until the end of time be grateful for his unselfish act of love that he had granted her. He had given her Elliot.

Sighing, she opened her eyes and looked around bringing her thoughts back to the present. Picking up the clothes and throwing them in the hamper, she straightened the comforter across the bed, picked up the dishes and headed back downstairs. Balancing the plate and glasses in one hand, she unlatched the safety gate at the bottom of the stairs and called out to Ben.

"Ben, honey? Are you being a good boy?" She craned her neck to see into the living room.

"Ben goo' boy. Pway ball," he told her, nodding his head vigorously, his eyes wide as he met his mom's when she peeked around the doorway.

Olivia watched him for a few moments, stopping the ball for him when it bounced off a chair and rolled into the foyer. She gently threw it back to him, and upon catching it he squealed with delight. They continued throwing the ball back and forth for several minutes before he turned and started shooting baskets again. She thought she had never loved someone so much as when she was finally able to admit and show her love for Elliot, but this love for her child…?

It went beyond anything she could ever have imagined or begun to explain. There simply were no words. This love was too deep for words. Now she finally understood what Elliot had meant every time he had told her 'just wait 'til you have kids' or 'you don't understand; you're not a parent.' While Ben had her coloring, the olive skin and dark hair, he had Elliot's eyes, sky blue that already changed shades with each emotion, just like his Daddy's. The brilliant blue was startling against his dark complexion.

Grabbing the mail from the hall table, she walked through the living room to the kitchen and began pulling plates from the cabinets to set the table. Once that was done she started loading the dishwasher. She peeked in to see Ben was still sinking baskets in the living room. Standing at the counter, she sorted the mail, stopping to read something about a change in their home insurance coverage. She was intent on understanding the verbiage when strong arms enveloped her waist and warm, gentle kisses were peppered down her neck to her shoulder. She gasped and the room erupted in clapping and childish laughter.

"See, I told you I could sneak up on Mommy if we were quiet." Elliot looked over his shoulder at his short partner in crime.

"Daddy 'care you, Mommy?" Ben ran to them putting an arm around one each of Elliot and Olivia's legs.

"Just a little bit, sweetheart." She smiled down at him, ruffling his hair. She turned and pulled Elliot into a hug, kissing him quickly. "You…_you _are _so_ going to pay for that, buster!"

"Mmmm…what kind of punishment did you have in mind, Captain?" He began kissing down her jaw to her shoulder once again as his fingers played with her hair at the nape of her neck.

She melted into him. He loved how she did that…responded to him so unreservedly, with no restraint. He thought he loved her more each time she did.

"Oh…Mr. Stabler…" She kissed him. "You are going to…" She kissed him again. "…have to finish…" Another kiss. "…what you have started," she whispered in his ear as she nipped at it.

"A punishment I can live with. You _are_ talking about a life sentence, right Cap'n?" He smirked as she framed his face with both hands and kissed him properly and soundly.

"You better believe you are getting life, pal. And absolutely _no_ chance of parole!" She laughed as she turned back to scoop the mail into a neat pile.

"Can't wait to start my sentence," he laughed. Turning to Ben, he whisked him into his arms, throwing him in the air amidst his excited squeals, "Come on, big Ben…help Dad carry dinner to the table." He swung Ben around and then winked at Olivia as the smirk spread across his face.

Olivia watched her men retreat from the kitchen as her thoughts turned to how blessed she was to finally have her very own family.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~


	3. Chapter 3 - Things

**Too Deep for Words**

**Chapter 3**** - Things**

**Stabler Residence **** Monday, June 9 – 7:30 p.m.**

After dinner Olivia shooed Elliot and Ben to the living room, while she took care of cleaning up the kitchen and putting away the leftovers. She heard them laughing and playing and smiled to herself thinking how lucky she was to have them. The home phone rang. It was Maureen and she wanted to talk to Olivia about her boyfriend who had just broken off with her. Forty-five minutes and many tears later on Maureen's part, Olivia hung up and went to check on her men who were now uncharacteristically quiet.

Elliot, still in his dress slacks, shoeless and stripped to his wife beater, was on his back sprawled on the floor. Ben was on top of him; Elliot's right hand was across his back holding his son in place. They were both sound asleep. The strains of a 'Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends' DVD were playing on the TV. Smiling, she shook her head, looking at them for moment. A thought suddenly crossed her mind and she ran to the kitchen office area grabbing the digital camera. The second flash caused Elliot to stir and the third one woke him.

"What time is it?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

It's only eight fifteen. Rough day?" she smiled and closed the camera.

"Mmm…not really." He rolled over carefully holding onto Ben and stood up.

"Let's just get him ready for bed…I'd hate to wake him for his bath," she told him as she kissed Ben's head, her arm around Elliot's waist.

"I'll get him up a bit earlier and give him one in the morning," Elliot said as he started up the stairs after she unlatched the safety gate. She followed them up.

On mornings Elliot was home, he readied Ben for daycare and dropped him off. Olivia usually picked him up in the evenings. Of course, with their jobs, this was always subject to change and sometimes one or the other ended up taking _and_ picking him up. In the evenings, they usually bathed and put him to bed him together, alternating who read the bedtime story. Elliot always made sure to have him say his prayers, too. Olivia was still ambivalent about her thoughts on religion, but she had no problem with Elliot teaching their son the canons of his Catholic faith. She just didn't think it was for her.

Elliot gently laid Ben on the bed and started to remove his clothing as Olivia pulled a pair of pajamas from the dresser drawer and held them while she watched Elliot with Ben. "He's so beautiful," Olivia said under her breath as she stood with pajamas in hand.

Turning to look up at his wife, Elliot smiled softly and whispered, "Takes after his mother." He squeezed her hand then reached for the pajamas and began putting them on Ben.

She felt the flush start at her chest and crawl up her face. Even after all this time with him, she felt so undeserving of Elliot's compliments. "What, no smart retort about boys not being _beautiful_?" she teased while turning the focus back to Ben.

Shaking his head and smiling at his sleeping son, Elliot bent down and kissed him on the forehead then his cheek. "No. He _is_ beautiful and he's ours."

Olivia pulled down the cover and sheets and Elliot put the child on the bed and tucked him in. He stepped back to let Olivia kiss him good night. As he watched her, his heart overflowed with love for her and his son. When she straightened up, Elliot put his arm around her waist and she hooked both her arms around him, and they looked down upon their sleeping child.

"Liv?"

"Hmmm?"

Kissing the top of her head, Elliot spoke quietly, "He really needs a brother or sister."

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It seemed this conversation happened more and more often and she was far too tired to go there tonight. "He's got _two_ brothers and _three_ sisters."

"You know what I mean. I don't want him to grow up alone."

"He's not alone. He sees at least one of the kids almost every day," she argued.

"I want him to have a sibling he lives with, someone to share life with," Elliot persisted.

"Elliot…" Irritated, she tried to pull away from him. He held her tight.

"Just think about it, okay?" he pleaded.

"I'm too old…"

"You're _not_ too old."

"The job takes so much time and…"

"The job will always be there, Olivia. The time for family is _now_. If I didn't learn anything else from my marriage to Kathy, I learned that. Family doesn't wait. It can't."

She stared at the man in front of her knowing he was right, but not sure she was ready to take that step. She _did_ want another child, just not right now.

"El, I do want another baby, but now is just not the time."

"The time _is_ now, Olivia. At least think about it. Please?"

She nodded and put a quick kiss on his lips. He pulled her to him and held her close.

After putting Ben to bed, Elliot made his way downstairs to watch television, while Olivia showered and got ready for bed. When she came down, she went to sit with Elliot, kissing him as she took a seat next to him.

He draped his arm around her squeezing her shoulder and she reached up entwining their hands, absent-mindedly stroking his pinky with her thumb. After a few minutes of staring at the television as he surfed through the channels, Olivia took the remote from him.

"So…worst?" she asked him, muting the television.

"Ahhh…you go first." He pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

"Okay…remember the thirteen-year old boy that set fire to the family car?" she asked him.

"The one who swore it was an accident from playing with the cigarette lighter?" he answered with another question.

"That's the one. He was arrested this morning for setting fire to his math teacher's car." She bit her lip and frowned.

"Gee, I hate to hear that," he offered, tightening his grip on her fingers

"He's only fourteen years old. I really thought I saw something redeemable in that kid, El. I just _knew_ if we got him some help and gave him another chance, he would make it," she sighed.

"I know it hurts, but you can't save them all, Liv. You think we should have learned that by now, huh?" he said sympathetically as he squeezed her hand.

"Doesn't keep me from wishing we could. Some days it seems like we just can't save any of them. It never gets any easier to lose one, you know." She looked up at him.

He stared back with a vacant nod. Both fell into their own thoughts about all the victims over the years they had lost; those they couldn't save and those who didn't want to be saved.

Finally, Olivia came back to the present. "Your turn."

He had forgotten about the envelope until she asked him about the worst thing…until now. His mind echoed the words again as the picture flashed before his eyes. No way was he telling her about it. Not yet. Probably not ever.

"Well, Seigman had a doctor's appointment or something and…it was really bad…" he said slowly.

Olivia sat up straight and turned to Elliot, concern written all over her face for her former partner and friend. "What? What was bad?"

"There was _no_ coffee!" Elliot laughed as she slapped him, her frown turning into a grin.

"Elliot! That was not very nice!" she said indignantly. "And, besides, you hate Brad's coffee since Munch is the one who taught him how to make it!"

"I know. I know…I'm sorry. I guess that should be my _best_ thing." He pulled away from her, shifting so he could lay his head in her lap as he stretched out across the couch.

"Okay…this is for real," he sighed heavily, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose. "The worst thing…Fin and Seigman got a case right before lunch. Two-year girl…raped by her eleven and fourteen year old cousins. I nearly lost it when I saw the pictures." His eyebrows knit together as his voice lowered until it was barely a whisper. "Blond hair, big green eyes, beautiful," he sighed again. "God, Liv, she's _Ben's_ age! Where do these kids get these ideas?"

"Oh, El, I'm so sorry." She stroked his forehead and cheeks, thinking of the poor little girl. "Are you sure it was the boys?"

"We're still checking everything out, but yeah…looks like it." He heaved a huge breath of air.

"Oh, baby…" She leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"Okay…okay, let's pick things up…best thing?" He smiled a half smile at her.

Breaking her train of thought, she looked down and smiled, "The best thing…the squad got an invitation to Mia Lawson's graduation next week. And she wrote me a letter thanking me for offering her the choice between rehab and juvey hall. She's graduating with honors, El. She also sent her senior picture. She's beautiful…you would never recognize her as being the pill-popping, pot-head she was a year ago and a half ago." Her voice cracked as a single tear fell, landing on Elliot's cheek. "She's been accepted into Brooklyn College's criminal justice program and she plans to apply to the academy when she finishes."

"That's great, babe. See, we _can_ save some of them. We _do_ make a difference." He reached up, wiping another tear from her face.

"Yeah, we do," she sniffled. "Okay, what was the best thing for you today?" She ran her hand over his short hair and tickled his ear.

"The best thing? Hmmm…promise not to get upset?" She squinted at him, but then nodded. "Well, there was this really gorgeous, sexy lady. I mean, absolutely stunning brunette. She had the most incredible legs. And she wanted me." He told her.

"Elliot! Be serious!" she warned, halfway wondering just who this woman might be.

"Oh, but I _am_ being serious. She definitely wanted me…I could tell…I mean she was all over me, Liv…you should have seen her. She kept leaning into me like she couldn't get close enough…" he paused, gauging her reaction before continuing.

At these words, Olivia's jealousy raised its head and her mind went into overdrive visualizing this stunning woman coming onto her husband. She had worked with Elliot long enough to know women were definitely attracted to him and quite a number of them boldly made remarks as well as moves on him. She was also wondering if this game of worst thing/best thing was a good idea right now. Especially, since he was telling her another woman was the best part of his day.

They had started this tradition of sharing the worst/best thing shortly after they started dating. Cragen split them up enough that the brass would not be too suspicious, so some days they barely saw each other at work. To compensate for that and to encourage talking and sharing their thoughts and feelings, they had come up with the idea of telling about the worst and the best things that had happened to them each day they were apart. They continued it after their marriage only now it was everyday they shared it.

Her mind snapped back to the present when Elliot began talking again. "…and then when I kissed her…she melted into my body like she couldn't get enough."

"What?" The word escaped before she could stop it and he laughed at the way her face contorted with jealousy.

"Here, let me show how it played out." He swiftly pulled her down and shifted until he had her on top of him. "She especially liked it when I kissed her like this."

She slapped at him when the realization hit her that he was talking about her when he came home and surprised her in the kitchen. In mock anger, she tried to push off of him, but he held her tightly and began kissing her neck, running one hand up and down her back as the other caressed her face. Immediately, she melded her body to his, laughing, relieved _she_ was the other woman. _She_ was the best part of his day.

"El…mmm…El…?" she mumbled, barely able to think clearly with his lips and hands on her like this.

"Yeah, babe," he murmured softly as he kissed his way up from her shoulder to her mouth.

"We both lied. The _best_ thing is yet to happen to us today," she said as her lips met his in a passionate kiss.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~


End file.
